My life as I lead; by M-I-S-S TV

2010-11-03T20:30:00.001+08:00

Finally, I’m back home earlier. I don't feel like staying home, don't even like to be so quiet now, this will make me refreshing the memories and thinking much.

Few weeks ago, Sam questioned me, "You are not the Ah Qi I knew before, what make you become not straightforward like before? Why don't tell what u want or what u think that is actually from your heart?" He understood me well, this hinted me a lots. I had changed; I lost myself for some reasons.

Those reasons actually are so unreasonable.

This is terrible; this is the worst battle for me. I knew what my feel, I don't admit it. There were no points to admit it, since there will be no answer and no feedback; also, the main point was the situation will not be changed. Thus, I choose to dig a big hole, buried all the feeling inside, however, it was never work, it didn't like burying a corpse which will be there forever. The feeling like a plant, it will grow. The more I bury, the more it grow, and it grows in 2 ways, either hate or love. I felt hurt; somehow, actually no one will care, this is because I myself wanted get into in these hurts. I can avoid it earlier, but I don’t then get involve it more. This is how stubborn on me. I know that, to release it, I want an explanation, I want the truth, and I want the fact, nevertheless I can’t and no rights to force people to tell me everything. And so, I’m waiting… waiting for the explanation stupidity, like how I’m waiting for the truth from Sam last time. This is dumb.

Sam asked me again, “Why people always placing you in No.2?” No 2 just like a replacement. This is a good question; and I make him speechless, because he himself was one of those who place me in No. 2 before. Hmm… I shouldn’t be so kind, I shouldn’t be softhearted, and I shouldn’t be so busybody for the person. I wish I could hurt the person the way he hurt me, but I know if I had the chance, I wouldn’t do it. I don’t have the ability of revenges. I don't wanna fight, I'm lazy to keep arguing the issue. I choose to be blind and deaf, choose to be quiet instead of exposing the bluffs and lies again and again. I felt so disappointed, so upsetting on a person which I trust and concern so much.

Still remembered, when the first I came here, mum had advised me not to believe guys in this city, reasons - they are selfish, cunning, and take people for granted. I don't listen on her; I believe there still have some, which can be trusted. However, it's proved that mummy was right.

No matter how good and sweet of the memories, no matter how much I miss it, I wish to erase it, how much I wish there are no promises, and this reminded me how foolish am I past a year.

I wish I have no feeling, I wish to be numb, I wish to be cruel a little bit more... I wish this is only a dream, the pain will go away few minutes after I waking up. But... this is not.

2010-10-03T12:24:00.002+08:00

i hate lies! i don't deserve all those lies.

This is hurt, deep hurt inside my heart.

please don't torture me anymore,

my heart being sooooo numb,

i don't know when i should smile, when i should cry.

it's really numb... i fail to describe how hurt of my heart,

cause too many wounds inside.

The knife keep stabbing it while the wounds not yet recover.

It's bleed more than before.

How much courage i need to let it recover?

I force myself to believe all those holy craps,

force myself to believe that is not lies,

force myself to pretend nothing,

force myself to accept i had been ignoring and kicking out,

force myself to accept that i'm worthiness, cause i'm a toy.

this is very much i can do it.

i dunno why i'm still wanna holding it,

i'm waiting the person to be honest to me,

i'm tired of keep fighting with both of you and myself,

no matter how, i still lose.

until... i losing my dignity.

this showed that... i'm so useless, i'm a LOSER.

this is the lesson of don't ever fight with both of you, especially don't fight with the girl, since i don't have the ability to fight.

it will be ended up, i get more hurt, i totally losing the dignity.

somehow, i have no right to fight, have no right to get angry,

cause i'm nothing, i'm only a stranger.

conclusion:

i'm the bitch and also the slut!

2010-09-25T13:34:00.004+08:00

I learned from the past, i learn to be more mature, i learn to be better. But no one will appreciate it at all. I'm always questioning myself, what is the problem? am i not perfect? am i not qualify being treasure by someone? No matter how much i had done, people won't realise it, they won't see it.

I had been torturing within these few month. I was messing up myself. There is another downturn in my life. How much I wish time could turn back again, I wished time can turn back to the last year, I rather give up the happiest and memorable moments of past a year, I rather still being alone and down as before. If there is nothing happened, i never know deep inside my heart had hurt so deeply. This is ain't easy to solve.

Thinking back of what i had done for someone, this is what i actually will not do for anyone in the past. My concerns to someone are too much. I'm being so stupid, hmmm... I should say I'm such a fool, the world's stupidest fool. Indeed, I have no right to angry, people treated me as friend, claimed that we r friends, but why the things he did just more than a friend? He don't realise it or he refuse to realise it?

I know that the facts was unchangeable, i really hope he can be fair to me. Stands as my side and think of it, what if there is one day, the same matters happen on him, how he feel? I prayed everyday I can be better, pray hard of there is someone which really can treasure me well.

I had enough of being hurt, this is torturing and i can't stand for it anymore cause I'm not born to be hurt and I'm not strong as well. And now, i have to pretend nothing happen, keep smiling and being so called "happy", i'm seriously very upsetting. I just wanna be myself, i feel awkful of hiding my feelings... but i forced to do it. this is how sad am i.

不过是一块跳板 by 张小娴

2010-01-23T02:10:00.003+08:00

我们都曾经以为，有些事情是不可以放手的。
我们不会放弃一个人。
我们不会离开一个人。
我们不会让一个人离开我们。
我们不会让那个不爱我们的人得到自由。
我们不会忘记。
是的，我们咬牙切齿地说："我是不会放手的。"
其实，没有什么东西是不能放手的。
时日渐远，当你回望，你会发现，你曾经以为不可以放手的东西，只是生命里的一块跳板。
所有的哀伤、痛楚，所有不能放弃的事情，不过是生命里一个过渡，你跳过了，就可以变得更精采。
人在跳板上，最辛苦的不是跳下来那一刻，而是跳下来之前，心里的挣扎、犹豫、无助和患得患失，根本无法向别人倾诉。
我们以为跳不过去了，闭上眼睛，鼓起勇气，却跳过了。
有什么东西是不可以放手的呢？你倾尽所有去爱他，你以为你绝对不会放手。
当他要走，你又可以怎样？
失恋、失意，甚至失婚，以至我们在爱情里所受的苦，都不过是一块跳板，令你成长。

my best results ever in MONASH.

2009-12-03T23:28:00.009+08:00

Can't believe it, my flying colour of the results.

I finally make it!

So happy that, i get such the results during my hard time! i'm no longer emo, this never ever influences my mood anymore! I must go Jalan Ampang to thank Buddha again. :)

one more semester, just bear with another one more semester, i can step out from MONASH HELL.

here is my results:

INTRODUCTION TO ISLAMIC BANKING AND FINANCE 67 C

INTERNATIONAL FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT 76 D

TREASURY MANAGEMENT 73 D

INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS STRATEGY 58 P

Opps.... big rabbit owe me a present. i should think what i want when i go singapore. This remind me, he owed me another party also.. haha... :P

my unforgettable 22nd b'day!

2009-10-27T12:58:00.002+08:00

For my b'day this year... it past will full of worrying, anxiety, and stressfulness... Brother had get into an accident the day before of my birthday, but on my youngest sis b'day!

thanks buddha, he is find and out of danger after doing operation.. hope he and his friends will recover soon.

I had 3 wishes for my birthday....

1stly, i hope everyone who related to me are fine. especially of my bro!

2nd, I must get Credit and above for my next coming exam!! all the luck come to me!

3rd, i will keep it as secret!

Hope all the wishes come true... and ALL THE BEST FOR MY EXAM!

i have to get rid of what i addicted to and i'm so tired to play the mind games! I really not a pro in mind games. i don't wanna let myself suffering again! this really torture me!!!

JIA YOU, QI! ^^

I'm Back! Cause i'm so emo recently...

2009-10-19T10:23:00.007+08:00

have been 2 months never blog. cause of laziness and some other reasons and i have not been so emo last few months... :)

well, i should end everything, should wake up from this happy moments and so called fairy tales to me. i should not aspect so much, it's ended up.... i feeling so suffer. I used to it for everything... it's really scary, it can be fully addicted on it. haih...

I forced myself not to let it be a part of my life... but it seem failed... HOW COME??

Somebody has make me really pissed off. The every words his said really make me wtf!! if you don't want or don't like your gf going out with us, please LOCK her by your side. If you worry about everything, scare she would be kidnap by somebody, please USE SUPER GLUE to stick her with you. I don't have the ability to protect everyone, even i myself is a girl too. But why the hell need to trouble other to fetch us here and there? I felt like crying that time, it's not sad, it's because im really angry and pissed and everything about anger!

when people planning everything and decided it. it's ended up, somebody sure say: aiya, ACTUALLY i have another planning to you all. What is actually? if u have planning please tell earlier. I don't like last minute decision, I don't like to wait also!! And please.. Don't say so much when you wanna follow. Do you know it's really make people feel IRRITATING!!

I'm really aggressive and my temper is not so good at all. I learn to bear on everything, be not so aggressive.. But why the hell there are so many people always challenging on my temper? I don't like to explode at all!

NO DOUBT, i look so strong and tough!

But i'm not... this is only want to shield my weakness side!

well, i have to focus on my study now. i have to get at least all credit at all.

this is my target!

I do really hope, there is something miracle happen.

will it be or will not be? but this is not really happen in reality!

Qi, WAKE UP and FACE the REALITY!

YOU ARE UNQUALIFIED AND NOT DESERVED ON IT!

result is out!!

2009-07-17T13:14:00.002+08:00

my result is out...

aih.... why my lending decision get 48 marks? 2 marks only and i can pass it..

DAMN.....

AIS get pass, and Credit for International Marketing...

anyway, thanks buddha... at least i didn't fail whole the semester!! :)

2009-05-06T02:11:00.002+08:00

can't sleep now!!

i needa force myself to sleep, coz need to wake up early later.

basically, i'm doing nth during these holidays. had stayed in room for 4 days, was addicted to TV shows now and watching non-stop... i felt that i dun have enough time for a days.. there are so much of dramas and animes to watch.!!

sigh....

just realised Wesak Day is coming on this sat, needa force myself to go KL for praying.

Have been half-year never go for praying already. i missed the time, i used to go with junnie and wu gui. however, i used to go alone after they went to aussie... aiks...

time to force myself to sleep... good night!

《可以不爱了》

2009-04-30T15:51:00.002+08:00

nice song sing by 梁文音and written by 戴佩妮
i like the lyrics so much.

让窗户通通都打开让阳光通通都照进来
让风放肆的吹伞我身上的尘埃
把你的过去变腐坏把你的溺爱藏起来
把你的所有都搬到我房间以外

现在是三点钟你应该还没醒呢
这有点刺眼的光线会不会打扰你呢
梦不会实现了我应该要醒了
我不该只懂得配合你习惯短暂的温热

我努力要自己避开和你曾走过的地带
但是又和不舍拉扯处在我快乐的界外
我何尝不是一个人来决定爱的延长赛
奈何总是勉强对自己有一个善良的交代
我努力要自己躲开你给我的伤心地带
但是又和失去拉扯得到的全都是意外
到现在还是一个人吞噬着自己的能耐
到最後我可以不爱了你却说舍不得

离开你欲走还留的眼睛
我要我忍住在一次抱你
躲开你转身以後的消息
这一次我可以

我努力要自己避开和你曾走过的地带
但是又和不舍拉扯处在我快乐的界外
我努力要自己躲开你给我的伤心地带
但是又和失去拉扯得到的全都是意外
到现在还是一个人吞噬着自己的能耐
到最後我可以不爱了你却说舍不得
你可以不爱了别说舍不得

2009-04-30T00:38:00.002+08:00

i'm absolutely blur!

i do the wrong question for presentation today and need to prepare another question instantly at the time... sigh... i'm so upsetting, i put so much effort to do the power point, at the end, i cannot show it at all. i spent 5 hours for preparing the slides, coz i dun really know to use power point and everything of what i had done never have a chance to show it out. aiks...

My timetable is out, luckily the time is still ok

15/6/09 Lending Decision

17/6/09 Accounting Information system and financial modeling

23/6/09 International Marketing

good luck for me... hope i will not be so blur at all.

2009-04-28T23:59:00.002+08:00

i'm still slacking, coz i'm so lazy to do my presentation slide...

anyone can help me to do it? i don't really know to use power point... argh....

i went monash career expo today, grab some info and brochures for my future, haha... anyway, i'm so worrying now, the qualification is so high and my average score only have average 52. wth.... My distinction cannot help to cover the score at all, unless i get all the distinction for the rest of the units!

i hate myself so much now!! i gave up of my future b4, coz it's let me lost something that is really important n precious to me, and i gave up myself... i was being so depress at the time. in fact, my results had been affected at all. I'm so stupid and silly at all, i'm so regretted of what i had done. It's really not worth at all......

i do really regret for what i had done! Zi Mui had asked me, " why on earth u have to meet him back?", erm... i dun really know also. no doubt, i had been lectured by most of my besties, especially junnie.

i needa put so much of effort for my next coming exam! don't fail anymore!

i should psycho myself:

1) Do Not let anything to MESS UP my life AGAIN!

2) I wanna gain my confidence back (can i do it?)

3) I am not going to screw myself again!

ok, i'm gonna stop here. i dun have so much time to slack, needa start my presentation slide.

All the best to myself!

2009-04-25T19:59:00.002+08:00

i should chill now. it's full of alcohols for my past 2 days. i'm emo-ing, emo-ing for everything..

finally, i get drunk yesterday, but i'm still conscious...

my pendrive was missing. it's my fault, i left it at library. i should said, i'm not very sure whether i left it at library or somewhere else. anyway, all my works gone.

i felt so offended by someone, nothing much... why they like to make things so complicated and create it into serious matter? i hate those troublemakers! I hate liar too. there are so many liars around me. i hate them playing fool on me. i kinda regret of forgiving them so easily...

For those people, stop playing fool on me anymore! it's so hurt! why i am the one who have being hurt! Don't you know that, i need so much of courage and forcing myself to overcome all of this fucking troubles?

2009-04-22T22:57:00.002+08:00

告诉我，

我其实很差劲

告诉我

我其实很容易受骗

告诉我

我是个超级无敌大笨蛋！

haiz....

2009-04-20T17:57:00.002+08:00

最近的心情，只能以复杂来形容。

总觉得失去的东西，可以失而复得，

但不是每次都那么幸运的，

而我并不是那个幸运的人。

我不再为了自己，

去争取我想要的，

我一直停留在原地，

不只什么时候开始，

我不再依靠人、不再相信人。

我的心就只有痛，

而那个痛，已痛得毫无知觉的。

我并不勇敢，也不坚强。

奈何我必须强迫自己，

再勇敢一点点、在坚强一点点。

什么时候，我才能卸下一层层武装，

痛快的流泪、欢笑......

holiday mode: off

2009-04-15T21:04:00.004+08:00

well, currently having my easter break for one week, however, i dun hav any holiday mode at all...This is because i only have 2 days classes in a week! lol....

anyway, i can't understand myself y i still skipping classes.

i dun feel like staying home now... it's really bored! no beer, no liquor, no clubs, bars and pubs and no dance at all... i miss my room at Sunway, missing my big room, my King-sized bed, i can rolling whenever i feel bored. I missing my Chivas, i left half bottle of it in my room. I missed a promoter job for 4 days, haiz.... i need money for taiwan trip in the coming july. I haven't ask for my dad permission too. coz spending a lot for this month, i feel guilty at all. especially for the facial treatment, had used credit card paid for the treatment, it cost 1K....!!!!

have a nice trip with my little aunty - yong en last few days. So happy to see her again, no doubt, i like to stick with her coz she is funny. anyway, main purpose is to lecture her! lols... i like to nag, but kinda worrying on her sometimes, i dun wanna her get hurt. Hope she won't feel i'm very annoying.

anyway, i met a long lost fren too.. haha... really really glad to know that he is doing fine at all. However, Ah Hui always ffk me... ask me went shopping at 1st and den told me she was unable to come!! hmmph.....

i can't wait back to my 2nd home!!

把快乐建在别人的痛苦上, 真的有这么的快乐吗？

2009-04-10T00:19:00.002+08:00

为什么我必须被嘲笑？
有必要说我说得这么如此的渴望男人？
单身有错吗？不想要有男朋友也有错吗？
即使再怎么玩得起，
我的自尊心也不是被你们这样来践踏的！

为什么我必须承受你们的玩笑？
我有必要这么做吗？
玩得起被你们说，玩不起也被你们说，
不管我做什么，话题依然一样。

美丽无罪，
那么长相一般，
甚至于丑陋，
就得接受别人的嘲笑吗？

我真的不了解，
你们所谓的开玩笑，
就是完全践踏着别人吗？

把你们的快乐建在别人的痛苦上，
真的有这么的快乐吗？

no title...

2009-04-02T00:29:00.003+08:00

I miss you Junnie, my dearest friend...

I'm missing the time we are hanging out together...

I'm missing the time we are gossiping from night to morning...

I hate to be alone like now!

承诺

2009-04-01T02:56:00.003+08:00

承诺同义词是束缚，奈何我们向往束缚...

承诺犹如枷锁，它牢牢的捆绑着我，

锁着的心，一直紧紧的封闭着。

就因为太过于执着他人对自己的承诺，

而让自己失去自由翱翔的权利。

我讨厌承诺，

它让我失去得太多...

这只能怪自己过度的执着，

其实就是顽固、固执...

而让自己该有的一一失去，

想找，怎么也找不回来。

It has enough!!!!

2009-02-25T16:07:00.008+08:00

I dun like my siblings anymore. i hate them...

I always take my responsible to protect them,

But They never RESPECT me as an eldest sister.

I'm wrong,

I should not back home,

I should keep staying at sunway,

do whatever i like....

Everyone in the family treat me as an outsider,

including my dad, the one i most respect n love... Sobsobs....

There is not only family... it's including others....

I know everything, yet i keep in myself...

I can't stop ppl not to hate me

I dun want to ask, i rather treated it as nothing...

I keep telling myself,

Not to hear, Not to ask and Not to see....

it will be better...

but i do really hate ppl keep sabotage to me...

especially those who didn't close with me and hate me as well,

can u be gentleman huh??

I'm a loser,

a failure sister and daughter, yet a failure fren too...

However,

Dun ever look down on me anymore!!

I will show you that I'm NOT!!

I just being myself!!

For those who hate me:

just GET OUT of MY LIFE....

I dun even care who u are!!

2009-02-05T15:27:00.002+08:00

im really really lazy to blog now!!

as junnie ask me write something, den i starting to blog...

juz bac sunway yesterday, kinda miss home yet i miss my king size bed at here coz had slept in living room for couples of days at home......

i'm getting stress, exam will be held on next tues. hope everything will be fine, may buddha bless me!

ok, continue later... bac to study mode..... :)

2008-12-20T01:39:00.002+08:00

i am unhappy...

i had been torturing mentally by someone~~ sigh....

i can't take it more! i really hate it!

i am scared of receiving phone calls...

i hate the betrayer! how could u betray me?

i am lost now...

i miss home, but i can't go back....

what to do....

我就是这样！

2008-12-08T00:12:00.005+08:00

对于不喜欢的事，我不会去做；

对于不喜欢的人，我不会去奉承；

对于不喜欢我的人，我也一概置之不理。

但是不要得罪我！

我从不收敛自己的脾气，

我的喜怒哀乐一直写在脸上，

这就是我！

人缘极差，都是因为我的坏脾气。

对于朋友，渐渐领悟到一件事，

妈说得对，真心的朋友不需要太多。

有时候，她会问，

为什么她遇到我的朋友，

而我却在家里。

她质疑着，我所谓的好朋友，

到底是不是真心的，

我也不知该怎么回答。

至少，我领悟到另一件事，

不看、不听、不闻、不问。

至少，我享受着我的生活，

我也知道，谁是真正关心自己的。

我讨厌一个人，

讨厌他的自以为是，

讨厌他那么的心胸狭窄，

对他不再是恨，而是失望，

只能用三个字来形容这种人

爱～～面～～子！

就因为这种人，

脱离一班的朋友铁定是迟早的事。

2008-11-28T00:25:00.005+08:00

never know result will out today~~ keep thinking of it's out after 2 days!!

had received a calling from Junnie, she was asking me abt my results, i juz realised it!! lols...

kinda nervous when checking my results...

opps.....

i pass all~~~ n get credit for retail management!!!

was very happy at the moment n ran in front of parents and told them, "yay!! i pass all finally~~~"

anyhow, i'm worrying abt next sem, coz always doing bad in 1st sem~~ jia you to myself~~

for those who fail... dun upset! cheers... keep it on for the next sem!

i had failed b4, the worst was i failed 2 semesters, means failed 9 subjects at all. thinking of giving up for study last sem, never aspect fail all though i din go for partying for tat semester~~

buddies had encouraged me alots, especially junnie~~ thanks alots for ur supports all the way from aussie~~

like siang said, it's really need luck for exam!

2008-11-26T00:38:00.005+08:00

bloggie, I'm BACK!!

it's had been kinda long time didn't blog...

i'm enjoying last week's holidays~~ lols

16/11/08 sun

was went to genting for meeting parents n having fun~~ besides, was met zi mui there too. no doubt, went to casino for gambling again~~ dad kept laughing there, when i told him, finally, i had been qualified to go casino without him, dun need to act as his "gf" or "affair" anymore. dad sponsored me RM150 for playing slots, was won RM340+(actually still got more...). zi mui more geng, she went to silver card vip room for gambling.

17/11/08 mon

was went to Taiping after staying a night at genting. it's almost 7pm when reaching there... it's a small town, scenery there really nice... parents n their frens really crazy, we went penang after checking in to hotel. took 2 hours journey to Penang, it just for DINNER only... n went back to taiping again....

18/11/08 Tues

we spent our morning time at taiping~~ was searching food there, had asked ah gui b4 tat, but i totally forgot those place... dad drove around n i choose a "kopitiam" which seem famous in soya bean. foods at taiping really cheap, half chicken only for rm10, "wan dan ho" only for rm3, n it's really delicious compared wif kl's foods!! kinda miss soya bean and taiping popiah, it's nice too. left taiping abt 2pm, n started our journey to Thailand~~

it's ridiculous, we need to pay for visa card of thailand and custom of thailand too.

our destination in thailand was HatYai. our dinner was similar as BBQ plaza, but it's onli for rm10 per person, n it's was a buffet too!! seriously, it's really cheap n nicer tat BBQ plaza~

was went to Lantern Festival after dinner, took some photos there... saw a stall of selling fried insect~~ i was finding whether there had sold fried bees, but there dun hav, there only had worms, grasshoppers, cockroaches n etc. had tried to eat a worm! erm.. the taste not bad!!

19/11/08 wed

went to Songkhla, visiting the aquarium n kamila beach. had the seafood meals too~~

aftertat, was visiting some temples....

20/11/08 thurs

our last day at thailand, we had delicious shark fin and bird nest as breakfast, lols... it's kinda expensive~~ went to another 2 temples again... one of the temple kinda unique, it was made by bottles and shells. left thai abt 6pm, and we started our journey to back home... took abt 12 hours to reach home and it was in the next morning~~

kinda tired at all...

anyway, i had a wonderful trip with my parents~ appreciate all of that!!

23/11/08 sun

when jb to visit my dearest junnie~~ glad to see her again~~ my little cousin likes her very much, kept asking her to take pic with different poses~~ akaka....

junnie, im gonna see u again~~~

2008-11-14T19:34:00.003+08:00

went to KL again~~ sis suddenly called me n said she won't be at pyramid... so, needed to go Times square to find her....

Times square become worse... lots of shops was closing down. we went to Sungai Wang. I like a boutique shop called "December", the design of clothes is much more different with others... in fact, both of us buy lots of clothes there, includes shirts, skirt, dress and belts... after our shopping time, we went to Low Yat plaza for the delicious Japanese pizza...

we miss it very much~~

sis back to BP at 3pm... think will only meet her at home next week liao~~

next activity--> partying~~

2008-11-14T00:25:00.006+08:00

dear JUNNIE!!

i was shocked when saw such the biggest word--> "tracy" in ur blog~~ haha...

no choice, i'm sure i can't go out during my working time~ so we only can meet on sunday. will ur niece at ur home? i wanna visit her... hehe...

however, we still have lots of time for hanging out in KL.. i'm deciding whether wanna drop one subject anot? it seem i will be damn busy for class if i take 2 subjects... lols....

____________________________________________________________________

will go Genting this sunday with sky n yu jie... while will meet my parents there... hohoho.... i wanna go casino, dad will be there tat time, i dun need dad to hug me walk into casino anymore, i'm big girl now... opps... i should say i'm a lady NOW... yahoo!! aftertat, we will go for a long travel by car, next destination will be Ipoh, Kedah and Thailand, luckily, i kept my passport myself! i'm glad, dad let me follow them while i need to be driver also... kekeke....

i'm sooo exited of it~~

2008-11-13T16:58:00.006+08:00

was woke up so early 2day~~ so sad, i'm only slept for 5 hours...

went to kl just now... for praying...

went to pavillion for seeking my new wallet~~ lols...

Finally, i found the wallet i want!

was bought a leather wallet which is one of my favourite brand,

BRAUN BUFFEL

a very simple design with the shining brown-black colour, at least the design is better than Guess' brands and others...

I Like it VERY MUCH....

2008-11-12T15:16:00.004+08:00

i'm not only a lazy bug~~ I'm a pig too... i just woke up!!!

yesterday activities...

singing k again~~

had a hakka-cuisine for dinner, which cannot satisfy my stomach, our home-made hakka-cuisine is much more delicious compare with that!~

gaming time~~

at last drinking time~

it's time to back home for my next planning~ should not wasting my time here, need to be back for helping family business and waiting my dearest Junnie back~ too sad, i'm only free on sunday during that time. can't wait to see our little puppies, brother's doggie "girl girl" had another 5 children, brother becoming "grandpa" again... hahaha....

finally, junnie finished her exam~~ we can chat everyday till she come back.. lols... i'm glad to having her as my soul-mate who always supporting me since mufy, if not i'm sure i will collapse at all... i miss her a lot n a lot~

y is me again... :(

2008-11-10T02:01:00.005+08:00

RULES:

1. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

2. Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse (don't worry lahh....i don't even know how they can force someone to do it or pass it on so if you don't feel like it, don't bother.) .These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

Tagged by: JUNE TAN

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be? take revenge?

depends on hurt is it. next reaction: starve for few days, and close myself in room n cry for few days

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

dunno, never think of that... coz it's never come true~~

3. What is your dream?

i have lots of dreams..haha...

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

buy everything i wan, go for investing, and donate it

5. Will you u fall in love with your best friend?

depends on the situation... normally not~~ coz we noe each other well

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

Being loved. it's hurt sometimes for loving someone!

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

intend to wait for someone for 5 years b4... but failed after 2 years, coz he felt guilty for wasting my life, very lame~

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

do my best to get away as i can

9. Do you think the world would be better off if everyone has the same religion/ethnicity/ etc?

i dunno~~

10. You see a 50 year old man entwine arms with a girl about the age of 20+ and find out they are gf/bf. What are your first thoughts?

determine are they father and daughter? it's happened on me b4... lols....if not kinda disgust of it~

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time.?

can't image it... hope i will be rich at all..haha

12. What's your fear?

i fear human, fear in communicating with strangers, fear to be alone,fear of betraying by people, fear of losing my beloved, fear to be drunk again, fear death

13. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?

off the alarm.. n sleep again~

14. Would you give all in a relationship?

yes!

15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?

never fall in love with 2 people... lols...

16. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?

at first, i won't forgive, never ever. anyway, i need time to forgive, it may be awhile, few days, few months few year or i may not to forgive ever...

17.Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?

can i choose in the middle of single n having a relationship? lols..

18. If your girlfriend/boyfriend told u that she/he is actually a prince/princess, what will u do.?

i will say:" holy crap! are u crazy??" lols.....

i tag JAVYN!!

2008-11-08T14:07:00.003+08:00

yesterday programs:

sing K in the afternoon... i dun like Redbox anymore~~

watched movie at night... James bond make me feel sleepy in the beginning of the movie~~

partying after watching movie~~

it's a wonderful night~~

i would like to say something~~

i dun like to talk abt my matter in the wrong time.

i willing to say if i wanna tell.

hope buddies can understand it~~

ok, leave it~

was enjoyed our nights!!

i like euphoria! we did not go main room for yesterday~~ lols... sky wanna smoking, in fact we choosing the place which nearby another room n outdoor. Sky kinda pity, he needed look after for our bottle, while Yu Jie n me went for dancing~~ haha... poor guy~

can't finish our drinks, anyway, we left the bottle for next time, waiting for Junnie for the left bottle~

Sky dun really like euphoria, haha...

1st, can't smoke in indoor means even in dance floor too. 2nd, too many non-chinese.. 3rd, the songs too remix~~ thx to them, they went for partying wif me~ LOL~

2008-11-07T03:28:00.004+08:00

wow wow wow... my boring day had been ended by TODAY!! lols...

had shopped at pyramid with yu jie for half day though we almost going to pyramid everyday. was enjoyed lots of foods n desserts too... haha....

i had one of my favourite japanese pasta, ice monster, went to starbucks enjoyed Toffee Nut Latte, it's only available for Christmas... yummy!

had our gal's shopping while waiting sky came from house, had Satays for my dinner, was kinda full, however was kept eating and eating~~ lols...

was continued our drinking session in my room after our shopping time...

kinda enjoyed for tat time~ feel uncomfortable for sometimes coz nonsense ppl talk my nonsense during my enjoying time~~ i hate that...

2008-11-03T04:58:00.002+08:00

i'm challenging myself, was stayed in the room for whole day~~ luckily, not only had soya bean as my meal today, hsemate was bought char-siew chicken rice for me... at least won't starving like hell.

was becoming ppl so called "干物女", am so addicting to my dear, no dear means no me! if my dear is missing, i will kill myself... no doubt, i bring him along wherever i go... he had accompanied me to Phuket, i need him badly everyday... i do really love my dear LAPPIE!! lols..... what a crap again!?!?

muz confess tat i can't live without lappie now... someone pls save me... lols...

3 days more... yu jie n sky r free...yippie!!

2008-11-02T01:46:00.004+08:00

a quote from Javyn, "when you touch your cheek, it is hard skull... why? it is because everyone is wearing mask... why cannot be true to yourself?"

these is the way we trying to protect our real characteristic. is tat a good choice for wearing mask? Be true to urself, however, it's doesn't mean be truth to others.... i dun like the world now... everyone is trying to be angel, in contrast, i prefer to be evil, it's because nobody will treasure it if u treat them truthfully, it's like u MUST treat them well, this is what u NEED to do... it's ridiculous. will try to be more evil as i can, never be so kind to others, except for those who treasure me well....

我会好好的做一个惹人讨厌又罪大恶极的坏人，来突现出他人“天使”般的心...

2008-10-30T12:50:00.004+08:00

finally, i'm free.... very very free... lol...

kinda worry about today paper.. coz din study much. like Yong said all crapping, however, i dunno what i crap oso! i can't finish the last question too...

Briefly talk about what i had done yesterday... i can't believe myself, i was helping someone who i really scared in the world, coz had been disturbed by them when staying at monash condo. was helped an african for photocopying his materials for applying monash, no choice book shop din open, so only can use my account for helping him in library... i can feel tat others looked at me very weird in their expression of their eyes. was went away to building 9 after finishing photocopy though he wanna pay me back the money, but i refuse it... coz i take the pleasure in helping people! lols....

was so happening for my dinner time, never know tat zi mui fetched me to pyramid for dinner. i was stunning awhile when reaching there. met sky n yu jie there, sky was shocked, he said how come im not studying n was in pyramid tat time. My buddy Jason intro his gf to us officially... like Kinch papa said, it's certified that jason is not gay. Jason never be the gay, ok? lmao... was met one of my friend in Kimgary too.. erm... he is "hamster" lol... kinda surprised when saw him. our dinner ended wif full of laugh n noisy sound... i dun really care abt today exam... haha... coz Yong said crapping onli, tats y i enjoyed my dinner so much....

my next planning~~

sleep as much as i can

partying after sky n yujie finish their exam, erm can i partying 2day??

back hometown, start my works again~

counting the date of junnie coming back

going for trip and partying again after my dearest junnie coming back

s'pore trip, Ray owes me tons of desserts..!

i have lotsa things have to do~~ yippie... btw... muz save money 1st..

WARNING to whoever always looking down on me!

2008-10-27T03:30:00.002+08:00

dun ever look down on me~~

do u noe i look even down on u?

stop insulting me anymore~~

do u noe tat is very offended?

stop ur brainless talking~~

do u noe ur brain full of shit n still think urself smart?

stop for ur attitude~~

do u noe u r more childish than me?

stop to be so arrogant to think tat u are right~~

do u noe u r lame?

i have my pride too, it is not to let u trample on it!

dun ever challenging my temper, my EQ not tat high~~

and i still need to control my temper at all~~

i'm insane when i becoming irrational~~

r u thinking of u r great?

nope...

u are a coward!

big gal is growing up!!

2008-10-26T22:27:00.007+08:00

i am the b'day gal today~~

lols....

i'm older liao.

had celebrating few times of my b'day within a month, but i did not make some wishes probably.

my b'day wishes:

1) get the good results for every exam~~

2) may all the ppl who related to me including my family and friends stay happy n healthy... (as what my blessing after chanting~~ lols)

3) world peace~~ no more disasters

4) i want my life to get better than b4.. like what Javyn told me~~

5) no more hurt for me~~

i'm glad to what i have now~~ i appreciate it very much,

thx for my family to give me what i had now...

thx to my friends who always supporting me n encouraging me...

thx to zi mui n siang, treated a nice meal today...

thx to my frens who still remember my b'day...

the gal in pic is growing up!!

2008-10-26T03:11:00.003+08:00

3.09am now~~ where am i now?? lols...

im at starbucks which in front of sunway's lagoon... for feeding mosquitoes~~ lols...

din study much today~~ feel wanna relax more~~

thx yu jie n sky... they had treated me a nice dinner today~~ i like it very much~~ lols....

had grab a video from javyn's youtube... wuahaha....

do really enjoy it very much~~ i like the mango cake...slurp~~ yum yum....

2008-10-25T12:54:00.006+08:00

yo... had enjoyed my another b'day celebration yesterday~~

lols... thx for my buddies n zi mui...

we had a dinner at Italiannese... yup... i miss salmon fettucine very much, so i decided to went there. we had lots a fun at there, full of our noisy sounds at italiannese... we had lots of photo shooting there after our dinner... was stunning there while taking pic, javyn brought me a cake and 3 servants coming n ask me to stand on chair again. nope... they changed the plan! i was asked to stand on table aftertat! was being asked to sing n dance again, however, had no idea wat song to sing coz my brain was stunning there by the time~~ so tat the the 3 servants sang to me n i danced. "i like to move it move it, i like to move it move it~~", lols...

it's my hard time after the b'day song n blowing cake, Javyn starting to "torture" me~~ i have to bite the 3 candles, javyn put it as deep as he can, the cake was freeze too. my face full of cream when biting the candles, no doubt javyn press my head to the cake. :'( it's full of Shu Umera's foundation n blusher of the half part of the cake! wuhaha....

of course, my torture time had not been so easily for ending~~ javyn starting to another game again~~

after our "ki siao" time, i decide to go for dessert which i wan to try long time ago. that is...

~~Haagen Dazs chocolate fondue~~

Feel full of happiness when having it~~ i like it very much... can't wait for junnie for having it!

this is my b'day present from Ah Yong~ really thx to him so much... it's not cheap for the fondue at all... had watching a movie aftertat, it's called "Tropic Thunder"... quite a funny but lame movie... lols.... the whole cinema full of laugh at all.

it was a great day for me after facing 2 exams, i hav a short breath n enjoying it!

thx for my buddies n zi mui...

thx to them for coming, coz some of them got paper on next monday onwards!! all the best to them n me too..

thx for the presents... i appreciate very much...

i had received the WARNINGS from Javyn... lols.... he wants me to become much more better than now! yes... i appreciate it very much~~ thx for always reminding wat i should/ shouldn't do! i'm feel sorry to let him disappointed sometime, coz i was so stubborn not to hear his advices!

This is the WARNINGS from Javyn... lols..

was uploaded others photos from FB. anyway, still waiting for Javyn uploads all others photos...

JAVYN, i really can't wait for the photos liao~~

2008-10-24T05:19:00.002+08:00

5.18am now.... one of my hsemate still studying in living room...

im still feeling sleepy... but need to force myself to be awaken.

i'm still hav tons of theory dun understand yet... n never memorise it at all..

no matter what, i need to score for this paper!! especially for the calculation part!

math is the strongest part for my studies... hope the question won't be so sophisticated!

back into study mood~~~jia you jia you.... :D

牙关

2008-10-23T16:00:00.001+08:00

等待后面是等待

更沉默的等待

然后咬紧了牙关

等待更多的等待

如果你爱过我

你不会就这样走

就这样丢下我

和那些天真承诺

如果我再也不

不能再更多的承受

痛哭之后却又咬紧牙关

2008-10-22T22:00:00.008+08:00

y parents dun allow me to drive at here?

i dun like to trouble others,

i dun wan to take advantages on others, especially friends.

i dun like to fully utilize friends too, coz they are my friends, my beloved friends...

It has the causes and the effects,

The day of retribution will come one day, and i need to repay back what i had done to them.

i dun wan to be like tat...

dear parents,

there is nothing different if i get a car here

coz was still went out late when i dun have a car too

I hate raining....

I hate to get wet in the rain too!

dear buddha,

do bless me not to get into sick~~ i'm scared of it.

do bless me my brain won't be stuck during exam...

muz bless me all good luck comes to me......

2008-10-21T19:42:00.002+08:00

i'm so stress now!! argh.....

my heart is screaming now~~~~ argh.....

someone please save me!

2008-10-21T02:45:00.002+08:00

was heard something from a friend~~ it's quite surprising...

anyway, was tried to chat with the friend, but he ignored it at all....

just wanna told him tat,

As a friend, i will always supporting him, as long as he is happy of it.

No matter what, we r still friends forever~~

TV consultant recommends him do whatever he likes~~ :D

currently prefer alone, study alone in the foyer~~

at least nobody create trouble to me and i won't create trouble to others too....

at least i won't be explode for everything tat i had endured b4.

i think i'm still not use to be more socialize... it's better for me to hide a corner and do my own stuff... lols...

2008-10-20T02:19:00.003+08:00

currently, can't study without Rock & R&B music! it motivates me to study, at least won't fall asleep when studying.

dear Junnie, i make it!!

Finally, i dun need his motivation anymore...

had learnt some lessons of it, never ever make any commitment, never ever plan anything in the future unless can get someone who really appreciate me.

In conclusion, S'porean guy is kinda immature in relationship!

3 days more~~i'm gonna fight on the "battle field", the weakness part of my studies!

i do really hate exam! wish my luck won't be so bad as past 6 months~~~

keep it on, Qi!!

time to bed!

2008-10-18T01:32:00.004+08:00

it has been long time din stay at Sunway's Foyer for half day. kinda missing the time when i was staying there for studying, slacking even dinning at there...

there had a fighting case juz now.... african VS middle-east... however, no one won in this fight! coz security guards call the police for solving it.. so lame...

juz finishing 3 chapters of com bank notes! left the last chapter, gonna doing past exam papers onwards....

feel wanna go GuanYin's temple, had not chant for 1 year + and my prayer beads were full of dust. sigh.... but it's quite far away from Sunway... think only can go after finishing 2 papers.

May buddha bless me and all of my frens for the final!

time to back home...

2008-10-15T22:47:00.003+08:00

i miss the hot chocolate,

Scones and

the Opera Cake

at Coffee Terrace,Genting Hotel!

The doubtfulness...

2008-10-15T00:20:00.003+08:00

what's call friend? i doubt it....

i hate myself to be so truthfully and do my best for everything which i can help to friends,

however, it's ended up full of hurts and playing fools around me.

i hate them lied to me, y they dun want to be honesty at all?

somebody always advising me, dun be so silly at all.

they wanna having fun, thats all, when anything happen, everything will blame on me.

i was so stubborn and never hear the advice at all....

At last, I'm becoming the devil..

____________________________________________________________________

"my friendship books"

My hometown's "sisters", 7 of us.... our friendship really not easy to get it, we had argued before, even though quarreled to each other, but we will solve it at last. They are my kindergarden, primary and secondary friends...

June, my soulmate since MUFY, a cute little girl looks, but mature mind~~ we always supporting each other. no deny, i had been so down quite a long time when she transferred to aussie. No matter what, our friendship never be fade.... She is the only "key", which can open my heart, coz she understanding me well...

My "zi mui", i can meet her whenever i want to meet her... yeah, an amazing gal for me, she taught me alots... we had lots of gal talks at all....

Jason, one of my best buddy from MUFY too! accompanied me studied, n eating. but he dun hav so much time for hanging out with me liao, lols.... somebody need to accompany his dear everytime! so i'm losing a playing cards partner too~~

Javyn, the one who always calling me aunty, a good listener to me and my singing teacher too. always giving me lessons, however was so sorry to him, he is trying hard to advice me... but i am always givin up myself~~

Yong, my dai lou... help me a lot in solving case which need the power of frightening. lols.... still remember tat time he help me took bac my deposits from my main tenant, he almost smack him that time... wuahaha.....

Enggui, my religious mate, lols... we always talking Buddha dharma. always accompanying Junnie and me finding some nice foods together. besides, he is my monopoly partner too.

Isaac, my hsemate a.k.a my drinking buddy... thx for sometimes need to take care of me... anyway, can't tahan him sometimes la~~ lols...

My kaki-s, do really glad to noe them, a gang of frens in Monash... My happiest time in Monash when hangin out wif them. do really hope my friendship wif them will not be fade at all...

____________________________________________________________________

am feel upsetting and frustrating.

whatever i explained, nobody will agree and even believe it...

i'm becoming the offender, the devil and so on...

i hate the trouble maker.

2008-10-13T03:02:00.009+08:00

i dun like to be so complicated.

y i can't do well in whatever things...

y it always had something happen to me?

i hate to be misunderstanding~~

feel like crying now,

i need someone to console me...

feel like shouting as loud as i can,

i need to release all of the stresses...

i don't want to be stronger anymore,

yet this is the way to protecting myself and hiding my weakest side...

i don't want the things become so complicated

yet i can't control it as well....

should i continue to be so tough n unbreakable?

was trying hard not to make any mistake again,

but i done it again and again...

was trying hard to love myself more,

however, i hate myself even more.

i just want things to be simple...

and be like this till the world ends....

no doubt, i gonna throw away the keys which can open my heart again.....

feel sorry to Javyn, i never hear what he advice to me....

i'm locking my heart again~

2008-10-12T11:52:00.004+08:00

juz woke up~~~ it's time to study, anyway blogging 1st!!

having a great night in 2 days!

thx for my kaki-s and frens for coming. yeah...

i'm totally out of my limit, never want to be drunk~~ tat is my b'day celebration, tats y nv reject for the drinks which frens giving me. Do really hope someone can tell me what exactly happen to me for the end of club, i cant remember it at all. feel that i'm so terrible for tat night! one thing i can remember, i never wan to pour the ice on the floor, it's someone accidentally pushing me and the ice was splashing out. i juz wanna pour beside the ice bucket only. i am sorry, really sorry if i did anything rude...

promise to myself never ever be drunk again, this is the 1st time and the last time for drunk!!

my zi mui was asking me to go Euphoria yesterday, coz her fren got the free entry pass~~ What a surprise for us! her fren called their MRM lecturer to go oso, n we never noe it. was shocked at the time~~ wuahaha.... he told kaylee tat "I fail u" when he saw her, very funny man! never think of drinking, but no choice since lecturer said must finish it!! wth.... a glass of beer is enough for me since i told myself can't drunk anymore.... he is the most coolest lecturer in our uni, went dance floor with us for dancing while he is protecting us during tat time, coz those middle east ppl coming for disturbing, it's so disgusting~~ i love the trance music more than r&b music, it's feeling good!

thx zi mui.... it's quite a long time din club with her...

thx for her fren Jyu Shiang, thx for inviting me for free entry. but he was drunk after all, damn scary man!

ok.... time to cool down! it's time to fight for final! i dun wan to be loser AGAIN!! keep it on Qi!

My zi mui and me in the toilet of Euphoria..lols...

home sick...

2008-10-07T02:05:00.004+08:00

missing my piano... missing the song that i like to play, Marriage D'amour, but my skills become so lousy now, coz lack of practice.

missing my motorbike... missing the days i always speeding on the road, however, dare not to speeding ady, coz scared of falling from motorbike again.

missing my hometown... missing the seafood there, especially lobsters and crabs!!

missing my home... missing the noise when all sibling keep talking about each other

i'm home sicking now~~

had done a mistake again~~~ sigh...

2008-10-04T10:55:00.007+08:00

omg~~ after cooling down and waking up~~~
im totally noe tat i did something irrational again~~ damn shit la~~
im continuing make the mistake wat i had done b4~~ i shld not be so nervous n so angry of it!! argh....
how come i am repeating the same mistake again!!

sorry to my kaki a.k.a patient! i muz apologize to him!! i shld not be so worry of tat, however, i'm so mean to him!! wth of me...!!

Dear Johnny,

i'm really sorry for my irrational, sorry for so mean to u last night~~ sorry for everything~~

a blog which written by one of my bestie fren--June Tan

2008-10-02T20:14:00.003+08:00

Copy it from junnie's blog, nth much at all, i juz wanna remember wat she wrote~~ this blog had let me cried that day! hope she dun mind it!

Dedicate this entry to TV!!! Part 1

For my dearest friend TV, (as you call yourself)

I do really cherish our friendship too! I still remember the first day we were friends, u were sitting beside Yuli, then i said "Hi", i said im from JB and your eyes sparked! You told me you are so happy to find someone from Johor too!

Then i went to your room to look for u, you shocked me by crying because u miss home. But its since that day we became even closer! I always asked u to go out to pyramid or downstairs to have dinner, but u always eat in your room........... "cook maggi mee../ bread"

Every semester you surprised me with your new hairstyle... I can't name any hairstyles you havent tried before. You've tried perming, straightening, "blonde hair", black hair, blue hair, short hair, long hair. But i remember every single look very clearly. I think u look best in your short hair... u really have that very very "Tracy" look!

Then it was the day we went to see our favourite Wang LeeHom in Sungei Wang! Still remember those stupid girls kept on pushing us to the other side? You turned around and screamed "BU YAO ZAI TUI LE!" Then we went to "Planet Hollywood" for supper after that. Still got take many many pictures! ahahahhas

so cute! hahaahs.

JOGOYA at Star Hill! Oh--my--god! it's the most expensive buffet i've ever eaten, but of cuz its also very worth that price. Cuz of that unlimited Hagaan-Daz ice-cream! Crabs... meats... every every thing!

Times we went to sing karaoke together. You trained one A-mei's song for 1 hour, remember? now must be expert already hor! Then with kinch, we'll sing our "DI YI TIAN" like crazy !!!!! It'll be our school song, cannot don't sing it in karaoke !!! hahahas. Normally its the last song we sing, cuz after that song.... no voice already....

Have you finished reading the Harry Potter book (in chinese) that i gave you for birthday present? I know we both love harry potter so much... so i dont want u to miss such a nice book!

Aiya..... we're both very ill-fated. Both of our birthdays fall in the middle of exam-period. It ALWAYS happen. So annoying right?

DAH! this is the part 1 of our friendship book.

You can do part 2

I think this book is endless, right?

LOVE YOU!!!

im so suffer~~

2008-10-02T20:04:00.002+08:00

omg omg...

im so suffer today, cant sleep well yesterday! had a heavy fever now, besides, coughing n running nose become more serious of it.

was vomiting when taking medicine, wat wrong wif me wor... i dun wanna be so sick! dun ever torture me!! i hate the feeling of sick!!

was viewed junnie's blog juz now! she mentioned tat that is the last blog for her!! omg... im gonna missing her blog liao~~

dear buddha, bless my health can be better soon, pls... hope everything is fine...!

im sick~~

2008-10-01T20:41:00.002+08:00

omg.. i'm sick again~~ sianz.....i hate the feeling of sick. cant do anything at all, it's so suffer~~

Today is hari raya, juz like normal, din rest as well. was realised that i nv step up from hse since sunday nite~~ gonna break the record ady~ where is my kaki-s wor?? nv online oso...sigh...

4 days to go~~ gonna bac sunway soon~~ yeah!!

ciaoz.... wanna chatting with little junnie now!!

2008-09-30T21:46:00.003+08:00

finally~~~ i'm free.. yahoo~~~~~

was busy my assignment these days... before that, i had a small party at my hse, for my pre-b'day celebration~~ quite happy tat coz all of my best secondary frens were coming. mum kept asking my frens drank beers. was had lots of fun tat nite... was received my b'day present from my good "sisters", it's a pinky Lacoste bag!! thx to them very much...

had went for wen xin's pre-b'day celebration after my party, which at ah xue's hse. omg... never noe that he noe to play guitar, although he looks ah beng, but he make lots of fun for us... was knew tat he was forced by his sis and mum for learning piano when secondary sch, still remember i was laughing at him during his piano lesson! after few years, who noe he noes guitar n drums someore! wuahaha... damn respect him la... no wonder, my mum keep joking there, said he is her boss!! lols... was enjoying the nite with full of stars in the sky while enjoying ah xue playing guitar... i like it so much...

feel bored at all after finishing my assignment! look forward to back Sunway!! can't waiting for my next pre-b'day celebration!! hope everything will be fine at all....

i miss my kaki-s so so much, i miss junnie too...

2008-09-20T02:21:00.003+08:00

can't really remember wat i had done on yesterday.. but clearly remember that was went to yum cha at MURNI last night!! quite pissed tat day, someone had offended me!! n i was left away from the table in stead of scolding there.... i noe it's no manner to ppl, but i dun really like it. i dun like ppl spread my matter to everyone. it's really irritating to me! anyway, din angry to pam n sasa.

was wasted my whole day for accompany pam to shop today!! im so tired at all. at last, din study anything for today! feel damn guilty o it. sei la, kinda missing someone now(dear june, pls dun mention the name ya... lols...).

2molo planning ---> study study and study!!! and forcing myself not to go out again!!!

2008-09-13T03:17:00.002+08:00

opps... finally, i can blog again!! very busy for these days...

lots a things happen~~ but it had been solved...

isaac fetched us to Dessert's bar which at Mont Kiara last 2 days! i enjoyed my desserts at there very much~~ no doubt, my mood is so good after dessert time... but full of foods in my stomach. i had supper within these continues days. omg, gonna gain weight soon. i should stop eating so much of foods from now.

kinda moody today! coz of didn't do well in FM test. haiz... feeling down after at all. however, i kept telling myself be positive!! im so pissed too, coz of some matters. was starting complaining to Javyn too... he told me, i shld take it easy, dun be so aggresive sometimes. this is wat i need to learn it as well.

no deny, my looks can be changed depends on my mood. i dun like my looks now, it looks like the feeling of hate and revenge when i compare with those pic tat i took few years ago. i am becoming less confident more n more. sigh.... i wish to look more nicer, but i need to let myself more happier than now! can i?

time to sleep, good night!

2008-09-08T23:10:00.003+08:00

my exam timetable is OUT!! sigh... it's really sucks for my timetable!

23 oct - Commercial Banking

24 oct - Financial management

30 oct - Retail Marketing Principles

need to prepare for my study timetables, can't fail again! this is what i promise to myself! saddest thing is can't celebrate my b'day at all. this is the reason, i intend to organise bbq during my mid-sem break!

It's really enough for me!!

2008-09-06T00:52:00.005+08:00

someone had really mess up my life... it's all past... i dunno how to describe my feeling now... upset, feel hurt and yet i'm gonna put down all the things. what he had done is really too much for me. he is avoiding my question instead of answering it... what the hell is tat! i juz wanna keep in touch for each other, tats all. what the fuck u had done?? it's really enough for me for waiting! it's so SILLY!

u are moving out from my heart NOW! good bye my dearest! say hi to my future....

2008-09-01T14:38:00.001+08:00

im so lost, after checking result! tell me what should i do....

what a boring MONASH BALL

2008-08-31T20:44:00.002+08:00

was attending MONASH BALL yesterday!! felt so disappointed of the ball for this year. we paid 80 bucks for buffet dinner!! wth... i rather pay another 20 bucks to eat Jogoya.

something had let me felt so annoying!! had a gal who wear the same dress with me. that was unlucky, she was lisa's fren! i was pretended nth at all. the gal still very angry abt it, n said that she was felt annoyed, y had ppl wear the same dress with her, n keeping saying wanna went back n changed her dress!! wth is that... i never said anything n she keep nagging that. is that my fault? felling look down myself even more again! no one wanna wear the same dress in ball. but if it was happened y don't she calm down herself n pretend as nth.

was went for M.O.S after ball, but felt boring there oso. too many ppl there and causing the place very crowded. somemore, the themes for yerterday nite is much more different. we r more familiar with R&B song. anyway, i like the place overall.

was ended up our clubbing at 1+ a.m, and went to Murni for yum cha session!! hehe.....

felt really disappointed for our ball nite at all. one word can describe --- BORING.

2008-08-22T21:44:00.002+08:00

i'm BACK... lol... quite busy for these day! busying for fun!!

was went to sunway lagoon on tues. my dear little cousin was so exited of it! coz he likes to swim!! we had our dinner at Italianies, food there really delicious, besides, we had Haagen Daz for our desserts. lols.... Xiao Xiang was get high when he drank our cocktail when we were in Republic. He kept kissing ppl non-stop, especially pam's fren-- Ron. haha..... sooo funny!!

On the next day, we were goin to Genting, the hotels there almost full, but luckily, Genting Hotel still available! i hate First World hotel at all, the hotel never cheap at all, n some of the ppl booking for the room earlier n asked those visitor which havent book the room whether wanna rent it, but for the higher rates. he offered me RM200 for standard room, RM325 for the deluxe room!! wtf!! the room rates for standard room actually was RM 135! i rather pay RM290 for staying at 5 stars hotel, after at all, was went to Genting Hotel for the deluxe room.

was back JB on thurs, it's really a long long journey, coz we straight away took bus from genting to jb. it's really tired, n my both legs was damn pain n sore at all... need n long rest at all.

will bac sunway tomolo, need to rush back for my zi mui b'day party!! wuahaha......

2008-08-17T10:48:00.002+08:00

my life for past 3 days really fantastic... lols...

i had addicted for those alcohol and the music at all.... clubbing for 2 continuos nights, at Bar Celona & Bar Club and went to Republic with Sky n Yu Jie last night. was enjoyed the time.

it has lots of assignment and studies after at all.... i must tell myself "NO more CLUBBING", lols....

i'm waiting for next coming day! my siblings r coming here for holiday!! i miss them so much, especially my adorable Xiang!! hehe.... planning to go Lagoon and Genting. yahoooo.....

2008-08-12T18:00:00.002+08:00

oh god.... y it is become flu?? wtf!?!

finished the AIS part, left for the financial modeling, but can't memorise it at all

somehow, im so suffered in flu. argh....

back on study~~~

2008-08-11T00:53:00.002+08:00

my bloggie.. im back... lols...

went back home on thurs... yo, i'm so happy of it! haha....

was suffered with flu during these day. nth much i can do for it, i totally forgot that i need to study at all. was so worried abt our home business when i had worked with it on these few days. sigh....

however, ate non-stop for these days, i miss home-made foods so much... especially my grandma's hakka cuisine -- 算盘子. besides, had malay cuisine for 2 days too, lols.... hopefully, it won't gain weight at all.

got to sleep, study hard for this thurs exam! i need to pass it!

2008-08-07T00:56:00.002+08:00

You've been Tagged

Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
25 to 28 years old. 4 more years to go... haha...

2. What is your most favourite thing to do?
sing k, playing monopoly with Junnie and Ah gui, swimming, traveling and shopping

3. If you have a close close close friend since childhood who loves to take away whatever you like, including guys/girls, and he/she always wins, will you still consider him/her your friend?
i don't wanna such a friend! luckily, i don't have such a friend

4. What would you give up in return to eat all you want in the world and not get fat?
dun really understand this question. lols...

5. Is there someone in your heart right now?
yes, lots of ppl, need me to list it down? tell me if needed...

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
Can't, i realise it how materialistic of the social

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
afriad to lose my family, bestie friends, and my lover.

8. What do you feel like doing, right now?
Clubbing, study and back home

9. If there's someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
nope, never ever!

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
caring, loving, adorable, an important friend in part of my life, my good listener, my best buddies

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
care of me, a good listener, and can endure my bad temper! wuahaha...

12. What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?
lies to me... this only gua...

13. What is your ambition?
i dunno, i only wan graduate from monash after at all

14. Is anyone really perfect?
dun think so...

15. If you had a choice to be rich or happy, which one would you pick?
can i choose both? but mainly happy la...

16. If you have been given $100 for free, what would you do with it?
go Jogoya, i miss it alot!! haha..

17. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
my best friends and my lover

18. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
never think of it...

19. What is the one thing you love about yourself?
no at all... i dun like myself!

20. If you had 24 hours to do anything, anything at all in the world, whether it be realistically possible, what would it be?
dunno ler...

i tag anyone who read this blog!! wuahaha...

想说的一切

2008-08-06T23:51:00.009+08:00

快两年了....

时间不知不觉中

就这样的溜走

对你的思念

时而有增无减

时而有减无增

是你变了吗？我越来越不了解而你一直让我感觉到你在逃避

是我变了吗？我越来越迷茫而继续过着等待一个人的生活

我不了解是什么让你放弃当初的约定

我更不了解为何一切的一切都再改变

还是我们之间的承诺

只是一时兴起而说的

还是像我朋友所说的

只是我不愿去相信

我得不到真正的答案

我也只好持续地钻牛角尖

曾经

个性悲观自我封闭的我

因为你我变得充滿活力

因为你我改变了生活方式

因为你我的生活更加精彩

现在

也因为你变得把自己的心紧紧的锁着

也只有你才能再次地解开

我变得更不像自己

我变得每天都戴着傀儡地生活着

我变得越来越没有自信

我变得常常对人感到质疑

我变得更加爱玩闹

你知道吗？

我的原动力来自于你

我的勇气还有其他的一切都来自于你

你知道吗？

我快要疯了当我的e-mail出了点问题

里面收藏着你我之间的回忆

你知道吗？

我喜极而泣当我看见你新上传的照片

通过它至少能让我知道你过的很好

而你知道吗？

我还蛮嫉妒与羡慕你的朋友当我无意间看见他们给你的留言

我嫉妒他们还能与你出去

但我更羡慕他们还能跟你保持联络

我已找不到想与你聊天的理由

我也找不到想见你的理由

我讨厌我的执着

它让我错过了一切

我讨厌所有的承诺

它已不能一一兑现

我讨厌你一直逃避着

虽然你没说但我深深地感觉到

我更讨厌我们之间变得越来越陌生

就连简单的话题都也变得陌生

还记得吗？

我曾经说过

我不在乎我们之间的距离有多远

而你却把我推得远远地

我想重拾当初散发内心的笑容

但现在的我已经无能为力

我想重拾当初我们之间最单纯的友谊

但现在的你好像一直逃避着

我越来越不懂

为什么缘分让我们相遇

但时间却冲淡了这一切

而未来却是个未知数...

2008-08-05T00:56:00.004+08:00

omg.. i'm crazing for doing mask EVERYDAY!! was bought 3 different brands of mask from Guardian and The Face Shop! lols... n totally, i have 6 differents type of mask in my room! start for caring my face at all... how come huh?? wuahaha....

had studied 4 topics od AIS in library! but i spent one hour + studied and aftertat was spent whole night for shopping in SUMMIT! really can't go out wif Pam, she said she wanna shopping, but i bought more than her at all.. But the short pants there cheaper than pyramid la. aiks... I'm so broke now~~!

i need to motivate myself for my studies!! my defer exam is on next week!! Btw, i need my notes back! Gambathe to myself!!

2008-08-03T11:40:00.003+08:00

was attended Rozina's b'day party yesterday! wow... it's look more like a ceremony! coz she had asked for the photographers for photograph and video. she looks different on that night! she wore an indian traditional cloth, which weight is 3kg. omg.... it's so so heavy, n she need to wear it till the end of her party!!

the place of her b'day party really nice, it is new condo at usj 1... quite a high standard condo compare with lagoonview. i like the place especially the pool side! the lifts for each building are transparent, we can see the outside scenary.

i want a b'day party too...! lols... my b'day is during exam period! everytime is like tat, it's really hard to celebrate of it. i intent to organise it one month b4 of my b'day, lols... need to ask request for parents, if do so, i think 3 sibling of us will celebrate it together. i wish can gather all of my seccondary and uni frens together to my hse! lols...

wat a boring day, i wanna watch "mummy 3", but sky and yujie had watched it, pam had watched it too. next time should find some "movie's kaki" for every movie..! lols...

2008-07-28T09:10:00.002+08:00

arghh..!!

i only want those mails back...!

that is the only memory for me!!

sobsobs....

2008-07-25T00:47:00.002+08:00

it had be few days din update myself... lols... i had been few days din chat wif june too... kinda miss her! was hanging out to pyramid these few days...

was watched Red Cliff again on tuesday! anyway, it's a nice movie for me, i dun mind to watch again... sing K at red box with Yu Jie, Jin Zhong and Sky yesterday. my voice is losing soon, coz we sang for 5 hours++. afterthat, Guo Wei had join us for dinner! a great news again, lols... i saw Guo Wei's gf!! hehe...

i'm doing nth for today... hanging in room, had watched another 2 dvd movies again, which are "Made of Honor" and "Journey to the central of the earth", not bad for the 1st movie, and it's abit bored for the 2nd movie. anyway, i only want to wasting my time. luckily, sky had accompanied me for dinner, if not i wanna eat my durian for my meal again. lols...

was read the news, tony leung and Liu Jia Ling finally get married! lols... their weddings very unique... it's really romantic... i hope i can have a Buddhism's wedding too!

2008-07-21T00:21:00.002+08:00

just reached sunway! damn tired for taking bus at all...

was heard from june, her classmate which also sharon's fren was commit suicide! omg.... i can't believe it, coz sharon was played monopoly last thursday!! may him rest in peace....

i had brought durian back to sunway...lols... dunno whether the passengers is bus smell it anot?? anyway, feel so happy of bringing durians back!! wuahaha...

time to sleep, have morning class tomorrow, but i haven't prepare anything for class, seem like giving up for studying, what should i do now, i dun really know...

good night all.

2008-07-20T00:55:00.002+08:00

wow.... a tired day for me..! juz coming back from jb.
wat an unlucky day. no bus ticket for me to back kl!! i only can buy it at JB and take bus from there. sigh....

din go for shopping 2day, was waiting Serena and Mum for dying their hair... i had a new haircut too, but it's similar as previous hair style, but more layer. lols....

lastly,
HAPPY B'DAY TO MY BELOVE DADDY!! love him so much...!

got to sleep, eyes are tiring at all....

2008-07-18T23:32:00.002+08:00

yeah... i'm back to hometown again.. home sweet home..
i miss my black apple lappie, quite regret din bring back my lappie, i can't live without "him"! i really stress for these days! stress of facing pam and others! it's really annoying!

one thing that had annoyed me after coming back! my stupid childish uncle had spoiled his children! wth... including Xiao Xiang! we had been teached him as well. anyway, his useless father kept scolding him in front of us, and spoiled him behind. i'm so upset, i hav not see him few days only and he become worst! and now he dun even stay with us, kept saying us bad and he wants daddy! sigh... what kind of uncle that i had? he is jobless now, coming back to ruin everything and still very LCLY there! i do really hope can slap him!

tomorrow planning---> fetch Serena from Sebana's jetty, go KT for doing her specs, and go to edwin's saloon for cutting hair which at Taman Pelangi, Jb and then sure will go Jusco Terbau for shopping!! i'm so lazy for driving~~~ sigh...

2008-07-17T01:44:00.002+08:00

oh gosh... can't sleep well for yesterday night! my stomach very pain, the pain that i can't take it! kept rolling on the bed, luckily my bed is truly big! the saddest thing, it doesn't reduce the pain after eating paracetamol, i guess i ady immune for it.

was went to cheras in the afternoon, celes and pam was met their friends near by UCSI, and went to a cafe for our tea time while waiting the time pass for going pasar malam. Pam was scared me juz now, coz she was cried, lots of memories for her over there. i can understand her feel, i noe how suffer she is, but i dunno how to console her... pasar malam there really long, there r various of stalls over there! the foods there look nice, but i can't try all of it, especially the cold drinks and some spicy foods. we spent almost 2 hours ++ at there.

yu jie called me for asking me join her to genting wif her frens, however i dun really noe them well and was feeling not well too and yet i reject her. hanging at michelle's unit again, coz sharon bought a monopoly which is credit card version from aussie, yeah! i got "kaki" for playing monopoly again since june and enggui went to aussie!

sharon had asked me a weird question, what i can say is i do my best for my papers, there is no one affect me for not doing well for the papers! i'm not use to it when they are talking about me, dunno what should i react when they keep teasing me, sigh....

may go to temple within these few days, need to continue for the auspicious lamp and pray for the everything. but i wanna back home too, however i only can choose one of them, either stay or back?

it's time to sleep, night to myself!

2008-07-16T01:23:00.002+08:00

just came back from celebration of sharon's b'day. i'm so full now, full of bak kut teh, coffee, and cake, i can't sleep at all. my legs was almost break, coz of wearing the high heel shoes for half-day, i'm breaking my own record! lols.....

really feel bored since i have class on mon and tues, what should i do for the others days? it is impossible for studying everyday and every time, i will gonna mad asap!

i'm still feeling wanna back home! sigh...

lastly,

happy b'day to Sharon and Ai Jien mama!

2008-07-15T01:37:00.002+08:00

just came back from pyramid. was had a nice chat with Yu Jie! hehe..... was heard a good news from her!! Yu Jie, Congrats!! again, we chat at starbucks coffee, sat at there relax for awhile, feel much more happier, coz yu jie is back, at least i won't be bored like hell and feel so lonely.

Nothing to do for today, was went for the 1st class, lunch with ah yong, went for school of business for applying of review paper and met celes for awhile, and then back LV and sleep while waiting Yu Jie coming back.

I'm missing home, i wanna back home...!

2008-07-13T10:27:00.002+08:00

will take bus after few hours, new semester start on tomorrow. i don't really wanna go back, but no choice at all. i'm so lost, i dunno what i gonna to do. sigh...

2008-07-10T21:43:00.005+08:00

i hate exam... i never aspect i can get such the bad results for final. my performance for exam really suck. i can't accept the result at all!

was so shocked and lost when knowing the results, y is the same thing happen again? how i suppose to tell my parents? i will only let them disappoint on me again and again!

my mind keep thinking of discontinue for one semester. really need to think of it deeply, do i suitable for study uni? how stupid am i!! sobsob...

2008-07-05T23:35:00.003+08:00

yo! just had my favourite fruit--> Durian! parents brought it from Kluang, taste not bad!

time goes so fast... need to back Sunway on next week, feel dun wan to back! it's better staying at here. it's really free... at least, i don't be so trouble at all. like raymond said, the life in Sg, Rengit really relaxing.

gonna watch tv, ciao...

2008-07-04T01:00:00.002+08:00

back to normal life... nothing much to do for today, only work, rest and sleep.

i miss phuket! there is almost look like my hometown, but there is more develop in phuket, at least there has small shopping malls, starbucks, haagen dazs, kfc, mc D, subway and pubs. however, the seafoods there not very fresh compared with my hometown's seafood!

waiting for Junnie back from holiday, and we need start to plan our resume for internship! wish me luck!

I'm Back!

2008-07-02T19:21:00.004+08:00

there has been few days haven't update my blog! i'm so tired after back to hotel. was enjoying everyday at there, however, someone is really irritating me at all. what the heck!

went to phi phi island and khai island on the 2nd day of phuket! it's a very beautiful island, but it had a little bit spoiled my mood! coz some of the problem. someone had suggested go for one day tour with private boat but higher price, he kept saying the benefit of it, anyway i dun think it's worth, and since everybody agree of it den i can't argue so much. but after negotiating the price into more cheaper and we had pay for the tour, the manager was called us at night and said that they can't manage to book the private boat and she will refund the money for us. she supposedly should pay us back 6600 baht, but after at all she only paid us 4800 baht. what a stubborn man, someone thought himself so clever, can negotiable wif the manager, but after at all it's end up like tat.

at night, we went to watch the " ah gua" show, it's called Simon Cabaret! omg... they r so pretty, but some of them seem like fail in plastic surgery, it's ugly! but i was shocked after they are speaking out! it's a true guy's sound! im gonna faint!

was went to Banana Disco & pub after the show, anyway no chance to go disco, coz the entrance fees quite expensive and non of them want to go too. we only sat at open-air pub! was drank jim bean with coke, heineken and cocktail! was drunk after back to hotel, coz of 3 different liquor and beer mixed with together.

we walked around in the town on 3rd day, after that we went to patong beach for some water games... guys were played the jet-ski, someone was almost died, coz he dunno how to play it, and still speeding, and lead to injure! anyway, it's non of my business! i was played parasail and i'm the 1st who played it among friends! i'm so worried at 1st, coz i'm scared my cardiac can't take such a game! never try, never know! yeah, it really fun and exited! i didn't feel scare of it and i had played twice for that. the weather there, really hot! i had sun burned although i applied lots of the sun block! it's doesn't help much for preventing sun burn! the boss who running these water game had treat us heineken after that. lols... he had treated me 2 bottles of heineken! it's really cool for drinking beer under the big sun! no-wonder, i saw lots of “ang mos" drank beer while walking. Nevertheless, i had drunk again after 2 bottles of heineken, fell dizzy and sleepy.

at night, was went for massage, this is my 1st time for massage! it's quite comfortable and it is very cheap! the massage for head, shoulder and back only cost 350 baht/ hour! something that i had not try is spa. it's much more comfortable than massage!

we backed to s'pore again on the 4th days! quite tired at all, was spent few hours for sleep after reach ah hui's hse! quite number of my friend was sick after out trip and i gonna sick soon also!

was enjoying my trip overall, and my wallet had a very big hole too... sigh.. can't image the statement of credit card for june! i'm sure will scold by dad at all! i need ask my dad to keep my credit card for few month!

1st day of the phuket trip!

2008-06-28T00:44:00.004+08:00

wow... im at phuket now! lolz... we stayed in a hotel called poppa palace at patong beach, which is the famous beach in phuket! here has so many "ang mo", was saw a pub call "two black sheep", which is an australian pub. but didn't go there, coz we brought many bottles of heineken from 7-11 back to hotel... lolz...

just came back from other friend's room... was drank 2 bottle of beer! ya.. the beers and liquors here damn cheap! one big bottle of heineken only 65 baht, its equal RM6.5+. but for those souvenirs, we need to as for lower price the price as much as possible! if not we will really chopped by them!

i miss the good old time suddenly, some of my friends still never change, their still very naughty by the way, will upload the pics and then we can determine how naughty are them! however, one of them was changed a lot, maybe i'm still not use to it for his attitude now... anyway, this is non of my business again!

time to sleep....actually, i'm scare to sleep alone, but no choice, hope everything is fine! will go to phi phi island tomorrow, it's a very beautiful island! i will enjoy it as much as i can...

good night all...

2008-06-26T22:59:00.002+08:00

opps... going to Phuket tomorrow, but i forgot to change the money!! sigh... anyway, will change it at Changi Airport.

i'm so broke now, no more extra money for the trip. the money that dad had gave me actually not enough for it, coz the exhibitions of phuket quite high when i search from web...sigh... i dunno how to tell dad and i only told him it should be enough! i owed Shu Ling damn much of S'pore dollars too... sigh...

i keep thinking that if i not to continue my tertiary education and work. i might not be short of cash during traveling...

Dear buddha, hope i had fun during my trip. everything will be fine....

amitabha

2008-06-26T02:21:00.002+08:00

oh... wasting another day again...

June had send me a link for the blog... it's funny and truly s'pore ah beng's singlish!! i still need june explained 'kkj mari kita' to me. lolz....

juz came back from kota tinggi, went to change the specs and accompanied parents to go their friend's father-in-law's funeral. It's bored for me, coz i didn't know those ppl, juz sat beside mum and keep quiet at there... while my dad had went for meeting.

i like my new specs, but my sis said it looked nerdy for me... lolx... however, i don't think it's very suitable for me, coz it's a cool white colour spec that i never have before...!

2008-06-25T11:25:00.002+08:00

oh gosh... juz allocated my timetable for next semester... i'm gonna faint soon... monday class is so full, 9a.m till 4p.m with no rest! no choice for me... all are auto allocated! sigh...

i am like a bull losing control

2008-06-24T02:04:00.003+08:00

just chat with one of my friend... yes, i'm doing something fault again! he told me i will lost everything, and i am like a bull losing control. till now, i still never listen to people. it seem i am no more hope already! i'm listening what they had told me, but my mind had stunt. i can't think probably sometimes.

i try to change myself... but people think i am not. i need time to adapt it, but he said i'm keep finding the excuses. i'm forcing myself to be better, it really lead me hard to breath... i can't really change my negative minds immediately!! i'm trying to let people understand more about me, but it's end up misunderstanding. i am not try to close the case too!

TELL ME WHAT SHOULD I DO?

i still never grow up, i'm so childish by the way! i dun wanna be like that too....

How many of the mistakes that i had make? it's uncountable.i have no more strength, i'm tired with what i had done, it always come up with the faults again and again! sobsobs... i have no more energy to cry, my cardiac can't really take it anymore. can i just end up of my life immediately? i wish i can, but i'm scaring of death....

2008-06-23T20:20:00.003+08:00

y i troubling myself again? gosh, i should enjoy my holidays now! the song that i had heard really affect my mood. i kept telling myself not to bother it again, i had done what i need to do. i lost a buddy who can listen the matter which make me feel annoyed, frustrated and worried. all is my faults again.

最好的朋友Zui Hao De Peng You - 品冠 Ping Guan

2008-06-22T21:15:00.004+08:00

should i say today i'm so relaxing today or i'm so boring? do nothing at home, was became the nanny to look after my cousins! i'm gonna vomit blood, they are so noisy!

Just found out a song, which really suitable for my situation...i need June for teaching me something, i want to talk to her... i'm still struggling on the matter, it haven't solve it as well! i don't like to be misunderstanding, i need to be aware for my words again. sigh... i miss June so much...

2008-06-22T00:34:00.002+08:00

i was overslept today!! luckily, i didn't miss the bus and was reach home at 4p.m.

just back from en's b'day party! was drunk a bit vodka, taste not bad after mixing with sprite. I wish i have a 21st b'day party also, but my b'day always crashing with the exam period... I hate it!!

got to sleep...

i hope everything is fine here!

2008-06-19T12:05:00.001+08:00

oh gosh.... haven't start for studying~~ damn it!

2008-06-18T23:32:00.003+08:00

was checking my phone bill for this month, the highest record that i never have before, my unbilled amount is RM185.13!! i'm gonna broke soon... 90% of the calls is to Australia, keep calling to Junnie for chatting, crapping and nagging. lols...

9 more days, will have a phuket trip! don't know why, never feel exited of it.

last paper on friday, but only finished 30% of the studies...

may buddha bless me...

don't ever forget to bring calculator again~~ that is the lesson for last exam!

2008-06-15T18:53:00.004+08:00

i wanna screams!!
i'm not recover at all!! Is that keep myself in room without eat n drink can called better? i will remaining to do that if it is true...!
I hate myself to become weaker at all

2008-06-14T13:19:00.002+08:00

after the crazy night, yeah... i know what should i do. was realized that who is keep lying on us.

je veux mon ami de nouveau à moi!

don't give up!

I'm so lost..

2008-06-12T23:57:00.003+08:00

JUNE...

blogging is for me to express out what my thoughts, my minds and what my feels. I didn't scold anyone thru my blog... i will not care those ppl i hate, they will even can't influence my mood also. I just wanna express out of my feeling, i'm very very care of the friendship, that's y i feel so upset, down and depress... but it seem i had offended ppl again from my blogs. i keep thinking and thinking, i felt upset coz of the msg, but after-that it's end up that i need to apologize, i know i had some faults also. i know that i'm not a good girl, since i'm not a good gal, everyone had marked me as bad gal forever. ppl will always get hurt by me, but i will also get hurt by others too. If like that, i dunno wat is my main purpose for trying to open my heart for accepting everything if everyone thinks like tat...

2008-06-12T21:33:00.000+08:00

The effect of medicines make me very deeply in sleeping... was wake up at 2p.m.

was went to uni for finding lecturer. luckily, my lecturer allows me to defer my paper, but still the decision is make from the australia unit's coordinator.

Gloria Jean's coffees house is quite a relaxing place... The taste of the hot chocolate with marshmallows is not bad too... yeah, i'm slacking now, dunno what can i do within these day, keep thinking of how to solve my problem. As Jayvn said, i scared of alone, i scared to be dumped, i'm scaring of too much things. I'm wanna to help myself. keep forcing myself to get better, but it seem doesn't work for me. keep thinking of my happiest memories, but it's less than those bitter memories. For this place, it's really had a lots of bitter memories for me, 1st time had being dump in lagoon, 1st time crying in the pyramid, i need to put down all of these... This is truth, i scared to be dumped! well, i'm trying to face it, not to escape anymore, however, felt that it even more hurt when i try to face it n the result is much more different as what i predict. I hate myself that i had influenced my study at all! keep telling myself can't affect it, since i was put so much effort for my studies... but all is gone. i really cant image my result at all.

rest in peace for my beloved puppies...

2008-06-11T23:22:00.006+08:00

sis had called me yesterday, the day i was very depress... my puppies was passed away in this morning without any reason, coz lack of care since the maid had gone back... those puppies had bring it to my grandpa house since chinese new year. and now daddy and my brother trying to save another puppy, which still in sick... n its left the only white puppy, it is the biggest size among them and the most healthy one... i'm missing the days when i playing with them, yeah... that is one of my happy memories in part of my life.

y everything come to me in this period? something happen on last 2 days, n mum keep calling n scolding me, was cried to her that time, asked her to let me in trouble, i am really suffer and stress, i still need to face exam in the next day. was so worry the same thing happened again, luckily, sis had come to here last week oso, at least the matter wont be happen...

dear buddha, i wish everything, which messing up my life will end up ASAP... i wanna my entire life better than b4, without influence by anyone anymore, finding out the real side of me...

Do bless my family, friends and every life in the world...

lastly, may my puppies rest in peace... Amittabha...

2008-06-10T23:27:00.002+08:00

as doctor recommended me, i should follow up with cardiologist. haiz... cant really sit for exam ady...coz of both physically and mentally problem. what a day for me, i wish i can suicide today! I never ever aspect that i had done such a stupid thing for the exam... i scared for the exam!

2008-06-09T13:58:00.002+08:00

我讨厌这个世界，

我讨厌处心积虑的人，

我讨厌自己的无心，一直伤害着别人...

为什么我总是用最单纯的想法来看这个世界，

为什么我总是一直相信着，朋友是不会出卖自己的，然而这次我又中招了。

为什么我总是让一些事情牵伴着，导致不能专心...

我恨死我自己啦！！！